BYE BYE '06..Hello '07

2006???....Already over aint it..probably no one will read it till there new yr day hangover passes through..hahahahaha..enjoy drink heaps of coffee...lolz dunno if that works anyways but oh well..

2006...it was the yr of optimism...supposedly the yr where i will make inroads towards my life..or should i say 'career'..but anyways

I believe this whole this yr was a different yr to most...i was to have started a IT traineeship..for 2 yrs, well that wasnt the case...my social was suposessedly get BETTER...well that didn't go so well either.

But if its one thing that happened this yr, I met heaps of new ppl which was great for a change from the stresses of HSC nearly a yr ago and all of the other hardships ive had in my short life of 19 yrs, now seems like a distant memory.

Here's a shout out to them:
Rhea- U noe why?...hahahahaha
RJ-Lolz u gonna be my best man arent ya?...hahaha lolz man lookin too far ahead
Dez+Faye-My Godsisters...stay kool gals
John+Ralf+Nikky+Fredrick+Siggy,Richard M*2, L.A..hahaha-BBALL Dudes
Karla-Stay who u are!!Neva Change,
Joanne-Man you got some guts girl
Stel-Man oh i forgot ur still a girl..lolz jus kiddin...u've been great
The Old Neighbourhood boyz (Kyle,Dennis,Eddy,Nog,Rum,Amando) Keep in touch guys
Karen, Camziie-only meet u's last yr in 05....lolz we gotta hang out soons..shit luck neva on my side eeeh!!!..hahaha
Noeline-My fellow blogger...keep inspirin girl with that magical keyboard of yours..lol
Jicz-Even we neva talk well gud to c ya again
IT Trainees...thanks guys and gals too..hahahaha
Joy, Mell, Lorenzo, Delwin..

If I have forgotten anyone Im sorry cause I am writing off the top of my head...lolz so yea sorry agains...

The best moment of 06 was definitely the trip back home to Phils in May 06...met so many of my cuzins and family baq home MISS YOU ALL HEAPS!!!Hope to see u soon.

To my family..well u should noe!!!ALL THE BEST..

TO END...BYE BYE 2006...HELLO 2007!!!!!BRING IT ON
Quotes of the YR!

"MAKE LOVE NO WAR"

"LIVE TO THE FULLEST"

"LET NO ONE GET IN THE WAY OF WHAT YOU WANT"

"NEVER LOSE THE COMMON TOUCH"

Song of the Week-"Ever the Same"-Rob Thomas

Expectations

Expectations.....

What do you expect from yourself?

Do you know what you're capable of...do you even know what to expect to come 5 years from now, next year or even the next day!!!

Just been wondering this week...i reckon we expect too much of ourselves...that what i reckon, there's this unrelenting pressure for us to perform. You can see it in the older generations eyes without even saying a word...YOU know that look, when they say:

The future is now in your hands...you better not stuff it up..

Sadly I see alot of people under pressure including myself. Well I cant really blame anyone for it because its a part of natural life that has come only recently since MAN!!! and WOMEN for that matter have become more aware of the mind and its many facets.

Hearing from people, as well as my usually observations of other people's lives have showed me that...expectation is everything...we have to be prepared for the 'real world'...school reminds us, then friends remind us that...'friends will stick together', lovers remind us 'we expect to last cause you are my bestfriend'...with so much on young peoples minds today, with today's pressure its almost impossible for simple minded person to survive in society where expectations are very great than what they seem to be.

Expectation is something we try and not brag about too much...for the ones that do, they get burnt up by others pretty badly...but surprising only in a suttle way...we'd rather instead see people like that, face the mistakes and take the consequences rather than stopping them..or try to change them.

Really the expectation we have for ourselves, for others and for every part of life...comes from one place..and thats ourselves...all the experiences, all the good and bad...that help make us, make our own minds and shape our opinions.

To finish...in my own little world my expectations are quite high...and I know that as well as the expectations by others...which is why i tend to be slightly HARD on myself..which i can't help doing because of that past of mine which i remind myself when i start to dwindle or wander.

But really expectations...precede us..somehow i believe expectation hold us back more than anything else at most.

For all you people looking for love, take this piece of advice,

The person we expect to be with...will be the one we least expect...

Don't let life lead you, you have to lead your own life..not matter the things that will happen...assume nothing...expect anything...lolz stole that from Big Brother..but yeah who will notice

Song of the Week
Ronan Keating-'When You Say Nothing At All'

My reason for this song...if you want the best representation of me...think me as the guy in this video..a guy you will watch the world...with a open mind...most of the time that is..hahaha..were not all perfect..

laters

Peace Out

Love Hurts

Love F***in hurts doesn't it, from Love life, to finding the love of a family, a friend...or the whole to show a little love.

Funny isn't it... for some it will take years till they find love from anyone. You reckon the bum on the street on in the park, still has love in him?? Do you still have love in yourself?

Lolz..lmao.. what am I going on about eh. Love is sweet and beautiful as seems, love seems so easy when someone else tells you what to do?

When really theirs no easy fix, no steps you can take, from all the educated minds, love is natural, its just can't be taught to anyone. Yes, we can see love, and think to ourselves... I'm going to find my Prince Charming, or my Damsel in distress. If you think about it don't you wish you still had your childish innocence when you were a baby or that toddler...or that kid that every one in the family says "Awww...that kid is so cute"

When we were young we were free, when our minds had more questions than answers, when everything was all a new, when you acted rather than thought.

Right now for me, I heard from someone that between the ages of 18-25 for males and maybe females...most people want to discover the world…whether that be through travelling, career paths, or in other case...the partying scene...hoping to..."You Know What!"

It real weird what love can do to people, make people think of something more than their really is, or doing things you never thought possible, or make people think the world is crashing around you, or do things that you may regret in the future all in all, love will make us do crazy things some when you will look back and laugh and at others make you guilty for the rest of your life.

My only advice for people with love life, even though I have no experience whatsoever, but who's to say a person like me…lets say I've got something special...but yea back to what I was saying...just let it happen...let it take you...but always keep your eyes open...you know what I mean.

As for my love life, I've put it on hold at the moment...because my love is needed elsewhere, but yeah I always keep my eyes open if that certain person does come through my door...Right now I can imagine myself with the girl of my dreams...saying to her how I love her so deeply...cause probably will love that person whoever it may be...for all eternity...and if u girls out there...think that all us guys don't have a clue...trust me your mistaken badly.

Sometimes I really don't get women, for one instance there all happy and glad to keep them company then all of a sudden...they get PMS or some other procrastinating notion. I know it's a part of them and they can’t help...but sometimes when enough is enough...its enough!!

The song of the week is by one of America's Newest Alternative Rock bands to come out. As for me why I chose this song is that, every time I listen to the song and its lyrics, I feel like at the moment I'm still shackled and waiting to be set free...and revealing myself to the world which right now isn't so easy to do. So I hope you know where I'm coming from.

Song of the Week: The All American Rejects-"It Ends Tonight"


Ttyl Next Week

Comings and Goings

Hey all this is gonna be my entry to begin…the new look blog so hopefully anyone out there who read its in the World Wide Web hopefully likes this.

I think now I'm definitely going to blog more often for all YOU ppl out there!! Can have a taste of life in my mind... well today's entry, "Comings and Goings"

Yeah sorta fits the mood im in at the moment so yeah...been thinking a lot lately or someone I know very bluntly saying I'm still exploring. Did you know? That in between the ages of 18-25 for guys, is the time where they discover, explore new ideas more so in this time, than any other time of their lives...Too much to take in? Don't Worry... It ain't so bad sometimes.


You know have you ever heard this quote before...

'Even Your closest friends will leave you behind...not matter what!! To someone else more important who needs the help...whether it is meant or not intentional...'

Well yeah I may have tweaked it around to put my twist on it...but yeah you get the jist of it. As you can see being single can be fun…but in the back of your mind there's this little feeling that you want someone to share your life with, scientific terms…it means finding you're mating partner.

Right now, as I'm writing this entry, the feeling finding, "The One"...is gathering momentum so quickly. But I know in reality I can't cause there's, so much things in my life that are gonna hold me back. Not things that I can't get away from...it's the things like you have to do or else no one will...and it will effect you.

Write now I feel I have to make a choice of choosing the 'lesser evil' of a choice...my life, or my world.

Looking back on my life... I really do think I'm so unique, from everyone else…so far off everyone else...that the unique I offer people, just seems to "out there"...What I mean by that is, a person like me shouldn't be like who I am right now…more so like 'everyone else'

I guess a lyric from Evermore's song, 'Light Surrounding You'

"Don't be afraid of what your turning into too..."

But who is afraid of who their turning to, everyone has there fears and doubts and it's the thing that are keeping us from our dreams and aspirations.

For the most part of my life I hide from the world...to not only protect myself but others meaning my family...and since I don't have anything to hide from anymore...it feels like my life makes no more sense anymore... I was so busy taking life seriously and I think I'm still doing to this day...separates me from everyone else.

But why should change? Stereotypes keep popping up in front of me…my knowledge of things is so unparallel its... hard to share it basically.

But as you read this, I rant on and on and on and on...

Really how can you stop a mind like myself. I guess you want a prefect image of who I am...I'm like a superhero in a mask.

Yes, I'm that person who saves lives rather than his own, takes burdens of others so he doesn't want to see sadness, but yet his own life means nothing as such. Since I'm a Gemini...that means I have split personalities...the one that stands out is that 'nice guy' act...oh trust me it ain't no act...its just something people will get sick of when they don't need it.

So yea I guess that enough of my ranting on for now, to finish I end with this:

Friends come and go...people come and go…in the rush of the world. But a true friend, becomes more than that, that person will become apart of your life. That person will not ask to be your friend. That will be your friend...NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!

As for me I found very few of them in my life... if really told you all my life story..you'd probably start crying or be shocked at how I've survived...That's me being undoubtedly honest... And I hope there will people who wont ask...wont mind...wont care...and just be your friend.

And that's that.


Peace Out

Ttyl next week.

Song of the Week -'Opportunity'- Pete Murray

B-aware

In todays world....

Funni those words comin out....how can u trust a world that has become bitter...and cold...bloodshed on pplz shoulders..

Ur all probably thinkin..."this another one of his stupid relelentless...ramblings which no one notices" yea i aint dumb when ppl r fake around me...dont blame to be honest..

As u can c ive had a bad month or so...rite now my world feels more smaller and weak..the dreams i once had..feels as if they are fading...and the only way ill get out of it is through myself...

I noe deep down my problems cant compare to others out there in the world...havin to realli survive...but can u think for one second...its seems both the world that is the western world...and the third world...all hav one thing in common..

"each world wished they had some part of each others worlds"

Rite now..i aint realli sure how im gonna deal with my problems..i guess takin things one problem at a time.

In this world were we are more inclined to be self-aware to make ourselves betta....we all want to be happi...we all want to achieve...but it may sumtimes neva happen and u gotta deal with it as best u can...

Reality is such a cruel part of life...that it cant be ignored...sadly...but i always keep in the back of my mind..there is still hope...there is still light..and that wat keeps us going, thats the only thing that keeps us from letting the world that is NOW...from destroyin oursleves....

Finding support is hard to come by since now the ppl have become self-aware...and ppl tellin u that...u hav to do things on ur own..so that u can be the best u can be...

But the feeling u get when u truly help someone...when u realli make a difference in someones life...it means alot to someone...i for one get the greatest pleasure of helpin ppl when i can...and i guess that is where my downfall is..this side of me that allows others rather than myself in an age...where jus bein there can be so hard to do...

In the end...we all have to wait....wait for our world to change one day...


I end with the lyrics to the song 'waiting on the world to change' by John Mayer

me and all my friends
we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

it's hard to be assistance
when we're standing at a distance
so we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change
now if we had the power
to bring our neighbors home from war
they would have never missed a Christmas
no more ribbons on their door
and when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
cause when they own the information, oh
they can bend it all they want

that's why we're waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

it's not that we don't care,
we just know that the fight ain't fair
so we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

and we're still waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
one day our generation
is gonna rule the population
so we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

The Fine Line

I guess u can say life is like a deep canyon...and a long thin line goin across the canyon....all u can c is down...at the crevises and deep valleys into the darkness..while the other side u see the horizons of the sun, the clean crisp smell of fresh desert air...sumtimes expressin ur imagination can realli help..help understand the world a little more easier.

Hav u eva heard the saying,

"there's a fine line between pleasure and fun"...

im jus gonna tweak this old saying, with my thoughts as usual =P

But yea i guess the metaphor of the 'tightrope' is probably a gud to describe parts of life and the world todays.

Every journey has a beginning and an end...wat we learn in the middle is wat matters the most...so many ppl...miss the point...these..SURE we think we are all prepared...but i guess maybe u the readers can prove me wrong!!!

If you think about it that 'fine line', it defines things so simply and so aburmptly. Think about it;

Their are times where we want the truth to come out....but the truth is wat makes us scared, that it may cause more pain than closure...

Their are times where we are on the edge, were just fallin away from the wayside...is the only way...

Their are times where the worlds around us keeps us bound to the point, where u almost lose urself...

Their are times the sheer fear of it all sways us from side to side, and the times where we fall off, the fear that someone may not be there...

We all hav are OWN "their are times.." moments...but remember theres this little things call hope, faith, passion, fun, paitence, glory, and empathy....and so many other virtues thrown into it...its these 'natural' occurances..which we may not find now..but in the time into the future is wat keeps us living.Yea for sure u mite think 'hope is a form of denial', but at least it keeps us from breaking to the point of insanity....

And i guess we are all on a balancing act...life is pretty much a balancing out things...

The thing is there is no right way of living...it depends where u r placed, how u got there, who hav u meet,....and ultimately who u r truly inside...that neva ending self-soul searching act to find who r meant to be...

Sorry to sound all religious and stuff...but its wats on my mind...i guess..

"The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity."
Doug Horton

"When the War is Over"-Cold Chisel

Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away

When the war is over
Got to get away
Pack my bag to no place
In no time no day
You and I we used each other's shoulder
Still so young but somehow so much older
How can I go home and not get
Blown away

You and I had our sights set
On something
Hope this doesn't mean our days are numbered
I got plans for more than a wanted man
All around this chaos and madness
Can't help feeling nothing more than sadness
Only choice to face it the best I can

When the war is over
Got to start again
Try to hold a trace of what it was
Back then
You and I we sent each other stories
Just a page I'm lost in all its glory
How can I go home and not get blown away

Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away

Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away

Peace Outz pplz

ttylz tc

Generations...

Generations....thats is wat older people have described us...did u noe that were known as generation y..i think thats right so anyways...

Wats on my mind ur all probably wondering...well as for today its been the usual weekend..just bummin round at home wit my bro...so yea jus finished watchin "V for Vendetta"

Now thats a sick movie i swear....besides the actions, but all the metaphors and storylines that was left behind..sadly ppl now days love to c the action..but u gotta watch some movies wit some substances cmon!!!! or am i being to old fashioned to look deeper into things....

Anyways baq to the movie i swear it soooo relevent now days..ppl u gotta watch this...swear some ppl like wont, but yea its jus makes sense....

Ill jus scab some ideas from that movie and mix some of my own so yea with wat im talkin about...generations...yea, eva imagine like y we are sooo different to our parents...and wonder:

"Why are they so weird?"

For most of us the question is always there but we neva do even bother y that is...I guess my only answer is that both our generations lived in different world..Baq in those days disco, happi days, and leather jackets, and high pants were kool...

While for us "todays generations" its all about being the 'kool' or 'instyle'...and the world now days hassling us to be more self aware than eva before that its pushing ppl towards limits that the older generations neva had to face...hence y stereotypes come in....think about this..did the yester year generations eva hear such a word?...Most of them dont...cause the world was carefree so long ago.

I guess the pursuit for justice, and a better life for 'the people', as perceived by the ppl in power is misguided...i believe...but how can u say...they too lived in the past and they do not noe...so u cant blame them...then who do we turn to?....

Well is there an answer to the question 'Is world peace a pipeline dream?'. Reality is a bigger thorn than ppl realize...Even the simple act of living...is harder to do now days....most ppl end up gettin depressed about how bleak the future is going to be..

For me..i believe everything happens for a reason..whether scientific, religious,...or its jus the way it is..i believe....there is still hope out there...seeing young ppl like everyone else out there...even ppl reading this blog and all the ppl i noe...we can change the world...even so small...its still there..the strive for wats right against wats wrong will neva change, will it?

Well..anyways on my usual journeys back and forth home from work...and during work for that matter...'i hear mumurs from the older generations..from teachers, to ppl complete strangers heed the warning... 'Enjoy ur life!!!'...thing is how can we...when the same generations is trying to stop us from that...contradiction i c...but yea...for me..well u jus gotta take it one step at a time..'easier said than done'..haha i jus contradicted myself...anyways..

In the end...one thing remains the same with both generations...we all want to live happi right?...cmon every wishes that everyone can be happi...everyone wants to fall in love, everyone wants a taste of success, everyone wants the company of friends..everyone wants ppl to be...be all that they can be, so that in the end...life has given them a fair go...

For most of us, and all the ppl u dont read this...the young and old..male or female....

"Life is simply complicated..."

As for me...life is steady but neva rising nor failing...yea i hav things to look forward too...and at the same time there are things i noe..that arent so gud..but thats the tale for all of us...life is so UNFAIR...again history repeats itself...sadly tru..as a matter of fact...

As i finish this increadbly long entry...soz for that...but how can u let a mind like myself to stop thinkin...its blog..am i rite? no limit to it..but oh well its ur choice to read it..

...but realli..i end with this..and again i refer baq to the movie "V for Vendetta"...sumthin was echoed there..which i believe should be said..

"...even though i dont noe u, even though i may neva meet u, even though ill neva see u, or eva be able to read this...but I LOVE U..."

It was letta written by a prisoner...about her life..those 3 words etched in toilet paper....i...love...u.

Ppl would start thinkin i noe that this is all 'hippie', but cmon ppl theres gotta love out there..like the song "Where is the Love?"

So realli generations mean time for most...but realli the ideas neva change...neva truly lost by reality...jus hard to open up to...u fear of wats right rather than wrong...

Ill leave it up to u 2 decide...


Here is a song lyric by Shannon Noll which mite get u thinkin:

"Lonely"-Shannon Noll
Sittin in a hotel miles from nowhere
Thought that this cold be my happiness
I look at the phone and pick it up
For the millionth time I put it down again

I know I let you go
And I've got no right to know

Do you ever get lonely baby
Don't you ever get tired of living that way
Don't you ever wonder whether there's a better life,
out there yeah
Do you ever think about what we had
How you'd giv anything to get it back
Don't you wonder if you'll ever love that way again

If only you could hold me
Do you ever get lonely

I look around the room and wonder
When and why and how my life has changed
I'm surrounded by so many so called friends
And I don't even know their names

When all that you love is gone
Just keep on holding on
Oh tell me


Do you ever miss me
Wishing you could kiss me
If only you could hold me
Do you ever get lonely

I know that this world has changed us
Now we're nothing more than strangers
But do you think about me ever
Do you think we belong together


Do you ever miss me
Wishing you could kiss me
If only you could hold me
Do you ever get lonely
Cos I do...

Well ttyl againz...

tc of urselves

Peace

Emptyness in my heartfelt heart....

Drifting apart...worse feeling in the world..lolz theres always something thats, THE WORSE in the world...

lolz i guess thats my meandering mind going on....

But yea being all serz again...u eva hav the feeling of drifting apart from ppl...yea most ppl would hav experienced the feeling of drifting apart from some one...well anyone for that matter..most ppl would hav it blow over..

But wat if u were one person who lost everyone...wat if everyone left u behind..wat if everytime u tried to be a friend to someone..it becomes this unappreciated help...when al u say to urself.."well...thnxs..glad i could help"...to urself..u felt like each person u talk to u felt like u found a friend...then all of a sudden they seem to disappear from u.. and like no matter how hard u try...it all ends in vain..well that was high skool 2 sum extent for me..Yea i noe ppl from my high skool said they were my mate..but yea it was hard for me jus to let go

I guess the only witness to my life..GOD has always been there...yea im all grown up but the feeling of needing someone is all there even if most ppl in today's society think of this idea as 'childish'. But think about it...even has to act some way..or be like this...or do this..or do that cause its 'kool'...its the 'in style' kinda frame of mine..wat happened to wat 'i want' and if they like then so yea...independence...have ppl lost the way to be independent..cause for me i think with all my tryin to hav friends like most of u ppl got...im starting to think..like i wasnt to hav anyone by my side...maybe i was supposed to travel this life on my own...and let ppl come to me...rather than me....

Cause in the end...we r own worst enemy, our greatest judge, r most trusted person is oursleves...is the age of bein there for each other still stands..after hearing a 60 yr old saying that the Western World losing its compassion is sad to hear...cause i feel like i can change that..to wat extent i dunno yet..if im able to touch someone anyone for that matter..and was able to be thanked for that..i'd die a happi man....

Alot of my entires r sad..and u noe y...no one realli wants noe me...like realli...most ppl are like surprised, conscpicous, misjudge me...and like think that im in over my head..or im just too serz..wat if im not...wat if...i wasnt...all these quandries and shit...in my head ill neva be able to turn off i reckon...

My head neva stops, neva stops calculating...neva stops tryin to figure out ppl...i cant help but watch and then write how i feel when i write these blogs..feeling that im the worser person and neva thought for one day i could be happi like so many others...

I dunno..more and more rantings....man...but it doesnt change the fact that i hav to do things on my own, and i gotta move on through life without fear...i guess a quote from Lao Tzu somes it up;

"Mastering strength is one, mastering other is another, but if u master urself, u r fearless"

So the idea of 'mastering ourselves is the challenge' and its tru are we that perfect no..r we there for each other, for sure that is..but it may not be all the time...I cant stress enough the point that...i gotta be there for ppl..friends and strangers for that matter at times....like be unselfish for one second it could mean the world for someone...cause there are alot of lonely souls out there..waiting for someone to notice..myself included...


I guess i hav to be patient...and like yea if ppl do just leave me after i help without looking for reward..i noe for most its u think its like 'so unfair', or 'so stupid'of me to write an entry like this..and if anyone reads this..plz comment..but yea thats sounds to desperate..but yea i leave it up 2 u all..if there is hope left in the western world..plz PROVE ME WRONG..

I end wit a quote from a Ying Yang Twins song:

"From the time they are cut from ther umbilical cord, no one enforces there life to be hard.."

Who do we leave it up 2 in the end....?

Well ttylz tc gb

Peace Outz

Meandering.....

Eva feel like u keep goin on, movin on...in an constant loop to the point where it just doesnt make sense anymore?

Atms...im feeling...sorta lost atm.....not sure where my tru feelings or tru self is atm. For some its easier, but for someone else it mite be more harder than they thought.

Me being a Gemini..as my star sign, ppl believe that u hav "split personalities", maybe even more than one. Rite at this moment, i reckon i hav a number of personalities, and the worse feeling for me is that the personality that i want to express, is hard to express, cause like my other personalities try to hide it away....thus leading to feeling down about...feels like i CANT HELP it.

Also ppl that i talk r really decieivin atms, dont even noe who to trust out there. Some days u think a person is like 'just great' for a moment, and all of sudden, they dont wanna noe u. Yes i noe that ppl r buzi wit dere lives..but cmon.!!!

Gahh....swear, is my brother rite in sayin that im turnin emo, is my cousin so right in saying that

"u can neva trust friends...u'll get backstabbed, even
theclosest ones, even when they dont mean it"

Right now jus feeling, sorta alone..but at the same time i wanna talk to anyone..but to afraid to ask...

"Tryin to look for a true friend but to afraid to
ask..."-Tupac Shakur

Well all im sayin is this....ive been through alot...wish someone
out there was there for me...like be a friend without being asked to...which
forme i find it hard not only to search but also to allow myself to
accept...

I guess unlockin the person that is me....is not and easy trip..i
guess it neva is...

So many things in life i want..i dunno ill just leave it up to him (U know who..) to decide my fate...i just wished ppl looked for me rather me having to do it....

Wells that all i got on my mind tonites well ttyl tc gb

Peace

What is Fun?

To be frank and honest..fun..what is it? Try asking urself that.

People say its just when ur able to be urself, or saying that its hanging out with mates and doing wateva u want..right?

Well ur probably thinking that, I have the answer to it, I don't think so either, lets just say im saying my OWN kind of opinion of 'FUN'.

Fun gives, that the sense to all people, that things aren't as bad as they seem...no matter the reality that this world leaves us...

Fun is the 'numbing' of stress I guess what best describes it, cause to think about what would do without it. I'd bet none of us would. Take these examples for instance, have u eva been in the situation where the day ur having is so off, then all of a sudden a funny moment in the day pops in, or person who u bump into makes u laugh, or a crazy funny phrase by some person...fun comes and goes...but when it happens...it's the icebreaker for our stress that we build up.

People who are able to do this like comedians and ppl who are just plain funny, to really think about are doing us a favour, rather than random occurrences.

Cause to think about who wants to live in a world of Utopia (lolz...if u don't wat that means its when the world lives under one certain type of lifestyle). Cause 'having fun' once in a while is very useful, very important in some cases.

But again, u neva take fun for granted. Ppl who think fun is means of having a life and living to it...is sadly mistaken fun isn’t supposed to be a vessel to be used. Realli would u wanna c someone try to have fun everyday…the only ppl who can say that are the ppl who have achieved everything, but by the time u reach that stage, there isn't any more fun at all to look forward to anyway...so really u can just have fun 24/7 I guess...

As for the last couple of days...well ive been thinking (as always, hahaha), life atms still kinda well wat can u say, in a state of waiting something to happen...Well brother is still acting the same...that exuberant youth of him, sorta pisses everyone off from some instance, but yea last nite was interesting talking to my mum again..realli it was.

Like again all of a sudden she wanted to talk to me, and ASK me for advice, and like yea I did..and yea I told her to let my brother 'make that mistake' (thanks for that FAYE =)..)

But yeah the weird thing was, like there are times my bro will all of sudden want to act serz, and then a minute later he closes up and hides with that ignorant, sense of humour, or wanting to have fun, and acting bored thing...When really he wants the attention and wants me and my rents jus to be proud of me. For me, my parents can say enough of me, but deep down inside I feel like I don't want this...praise...cause it eats my brother down, and to hear from your mother that ur bro or sis saying "He/She doesn't love me anymore" makes it worse on me..cause yea I still wanna be there for him but I cant now that im older, and have had more experience.

The worse thing in the world is that I can be able to explain that to him, cause all that does is end up him saying 'U've changed' speech, or begins to blackmail me, so that he can get away from the blame or fire he gets from ppl.

Well I guess time is the only thing at the moment that makes all the sense,

"Time heals all wounds"

If one thing is for sure...patience is needed always...and yea today was gud for me like, my bros friend came when I was at my cuzins place and like we caught up and spent some time together...what I got out of it was this...

For a long tym in my whole schooling life for that matter...I missed out on something...when I heard the two of them talk about memories of the 'good old days'...sorta left me in a state of sadness, as I look baq and only remember the bad ones rather than the gud ones, and thinking to myself 'where hav my friends gone?, where have all the fond memories go?' ...geez fun for me is hard to come by as I jus cruise along the highway of life...

Each day I spend on this Earth I learn more and more about myself and to think about, I surprise myself...like with wat stuff im able to say to others...

For me the one thing that keeps me happi...well my feeling of 'fun' is being able to help someone either directly or indirectly, whether by jus sayin 'hello' to an old friend, or giving advice to someone, inspiring others...like these blog entries... I dunno how much of an impact im showing?

But I noe im having fun doing it, imagining someone else, either friend or stranger being able to feel betta after they read..cause it made a difference in their lives..

I guess to end tonites blog is by saying 'fun' to most ppl is just something that naturally happens...well in fact it does..but the best thing about it is...fun gets is a drug that keeps us sane from the brutal world that has become today, not only physically but mentally now days, especially teenagers and young adults so much unwanted pressure...

In the end all I can say is have 'fun' with life...enjoy it to the MAX...but neva keep ur eyes of the prize. As long as u keep that in mind, life SHOULD get betta for anyone out dere...

Well that its for now....

Ttylz tc gb and

Tc of each other

Peace outs

Truth looks strange...

In today's world i guess for most young ppl are age, the truth does look strange, and thing is we try to hide it, or run away from it, cause the truth may bring, feelings which we may not want to keep with us in our lives whether it helps or not. Wat is truth? ppl say, yea 2pac Shakur had an idea of wat truth was and it was shown in his music and lyrics:

"That's just the way it isThings'll never be the sameThat's just the way it
is"
"Changes"

"I'd sit and reminisce, nigga and bliss on the good dayz
i stop
and stare at the younger, my heart goes to'em
They tested, it was stressed
that they under
In our days, things changed
Everyone's ashamed to the
youth cuz the truth looks strange
And for me it's reversed, we left them a
world that's cursed, and it hurts
cause any day they'll push the button"
"Ghetto Gospel"

For me the truth is probably the scarest thing to face...and im probably not the only one either to say that. If u think about it who isnt afraid of the truth? R U?.....

The last couple of days from have been realli...well lets say interestin a mixture of ups and downs, which that is no surprise, but the severity of both was the thing that got to me.

For instance, my brother, well lets say for a long time...ive been by his side for so long from those youngins days....things are now very different since now he's 15 almost 16 now, with testosterone pumping and everything that comes wit adolescense and like, the worse thing in the world for me, is that i cant stop him from making the mistakes that i made, even when there r times i try to warn him...but in the weird 'big scheme' of things, my bro completly ignored me even though our bond as brothers is strong..probably stronger than most...

The thing is, i have to LET HIM grow up, like he was more luckier than i was...i guess in a weird way, i wish i was dumb...no that was bad word, lets say doesnt noe as much about the world as i do, and has the opportunity to learn. Unlike me, who has this pre conceived idea, of searching for knowledge.... many ppl say:

"Knowledge brings power"

The sad 'TRUTH' that is, with power brings great responsibility and pain with it..plz dont tell me that all the smart ppl out dere with the money in the their pockets r realli happi..for most they arent. Cause they miss out on parts of life, that everyone else gets to experience, like having ur first drink wit mates, or riding a bike for the first time, havin ur first kiss, or first eva bf and gf relationship (lol..so much for puppy love), to driving a car for the first time.

Yea im sorta straying from like wats happening, but yea, probably a couple of nites ago, my bro and mother had a massive fight with each other, and i was in the middle of it, at the end of it, she realli snapped..almost to the point were she was gonna...well....i cant say..and yea. When i went upstairs to check to c how she was going, i saw her crying on her own asking to God..."Y?, Y me wat hav i done, ive done all gud..., all i want for them is too be gud, and hav a future", and then after she began talking to me expressing how she felt about my brother, and how she felt bad about lashing out the way she did cause of all the stress she had in her life, which another story....a REAL tough story..anyways...

She was pouring out tears to me when she said it...and yea i brokedown myself, cause i knew i was the only person left standing to support them, and i knew deep down that it was only me, that i would be able to hold that family together. The TRUTH is, that all this pain, ups and downs of life all looks so complicated.

While my bro, as young as he his, the sad thing was that he didnt understand, and yea i tried to explain to him like how she was feeling when, he asked "Wat she say?" and i tried to explained...but yea but the body language and facial expressions...that he was still in "battle mode". And yea i jus sat there that nite, and for most of the nxt day, i jus sat and thought bout it...when i had time to myself...

now ur probably thinking y didnt i say anything to my friends...well pplz read my last entry before this....and u'll c y..i easily get ashamed of myself very easily to be honest, and yea i guess i dunno how long it will take for me to 'improve' this side of me. But yea theres more to me than meets the eye i guess.

But yea, one of the worse things in the world is that u can help everyone, and yea im gonna scab a quote off my bro, which he scabbed of the Simpsons,

"Anybody, who really cares will abondon you for someone who needs it
more.."

I guess thats where i highlight the 'TRUTH lookin strange argument' rite there...everypart of life and this world, the inside truth that lies in it...looks realli strange to be honest...come on does anyone else think the same? in this world for that matter realli understand the truth, even i another 'human being' dont have the answers or the strength to understand it.

Well to conlclude tonites proceedings...(lolz..haha so professional of me) but yea the song by The All-American Rejects-'Move Along', sorta finishes off this entry:

"When all you gotta be is strong, move along, move along like i noe u do,
and even when ur hope is gone, move along, move along, just to make it
through,
move along, and right back wat is wrong we move along..."

I guess this quote (i made myself) somes up wat im feeling about the whole matter:

"Bein bad is easy enough, bein gud is....complicated..."

Remember, the truth does looks strange, but we move along...

ttyl tc gb and tc of each other

Peace Outs

'In someones shoes'

hmmz..bleh....wats on my mind well..alot i guess..

You eva imagine life in someone elses shoes???

So many of u probably have had the question, thats crossed ur mine in some place...wheneva it was probably got u thinkin...some more than most,

For most of my life, the thought of living in someone elses shoes, always attracted me to think bout it more than most..like if u eva imagine ur self in someones shoes how u cope? Alot ppl say their own way...and yea sorta wish..

Wat if...that thought was something that plays in ur mind all day..well yea for me its happened alot of times..Y u mite think...? well all comes back...wat if u were in my shoes?..

For most of u out there, u wouldnt want to be in my shoes...trust my mind will fuck u up...so yea sorry for bein literal for a couple of secs but yea. The past yr has been real weird for me, its been a whole ride of emotions for me...and ive had my share of downs this yrs, more than eva..

If u think about all the successful ppl in the world...think about for a second, they all had 2 sacrifice something for the sack of their one desire..imagine Michael Jordan without playing hard to imagine dont it...i reckon there were times where he looked out at the crowd and saw a couple of kids or a group of friends just hanging out on a sunday afternoon, without having to worri bout a thing on the monday...mj, tiger woods, lincoln, shakespeare, da vinci, bill gates...ppl who have made a name for themselves in the world and hav all the success. The reason they were gud at something and stuck to it..the weird thing is as u can c both sides of the coin...we the fans always admired these ppl wondering how life would be and how amazing it is..

while on their side, some of the ppl on the successful sorta wished they had a piece of our own world..the freedom of doing anything u want, not kept in by expectations and rules and regulations. i guess with success comes sacrifice i guess...

Probably reading through this entry its sounds sorta depressing on my part, well...i imagine this:

imagine thoughtout ur whole life u've been brought up to do the write, ur the person who the whole family looks up 2, u've jus come out of stuggles many kids would just break down and yet u get through..

The idea that u, cant...tell anyone how u feel? because u are ashamed of urself, and the life u lead would be implicated when u told...the feeling that when u tell someone ur secrets, that u hope for that person to be there for u..or look up to u...and finding out that it doesnt mean anything..

imagine that ur own interpretations are the things keeping u away from everyone, wat if...u were in the situation where, u think u pass through the storm, when in fact u've only in the eye of the storm and still have the other side to get through which looks more worse for wear.

Wat if u've come to the point were, ur parents have turned into someone that they would want, but not wat u want...and that this thought u try to express it no matter how u do...ends up with someone not giving a damn, or someone not understanding...all they can do is just support u...

Wat if the family ur in depends on u...the last resort..to save them...the burden of the prodigal son on ur shoulders...wat if u see both ur parents struggling...and look to u for advice when its realli u that needs it...but u hav to keep ur own and hide the pain so they wont lose hope...wat if ur brother or sister, depends on u and wants ur support to be there...even though it doesnt seem like it..

Wat if u were in the situation, that through ur life u've been brought up being a gud person..well in fact..the rest of the world is taking the 'gud with the bad' idea...and ur life seems like its in slow motion and u seem like ur missing out..

Wat if...Wat if u were in my shoes for a day..how would u cope?

Theres alot of 'Wat ifs..?' isnt there...well if u noe who dis is...then message me ask...

My life is a ride no doubt and im riding on, and holding on...with the hope that it will be better..

The quote from a song that i listen to alot sorta somes up my situation, i guess alot ppl wish they can sum up their lives in one quote..i guess ppl r still finding theres:

'Hoping for the best but expecting the worst...'

I guess in life we all have our hopes and dreams in front of us, but at the same token the fears and doubts are there as well, the balance of the two....sorta brings us to the point of normality, for most ppl my age...me writing like i am seems to 'old' for most, i was one of the few who had to GROW UP early and its still hurts me, cause in my life ive had my share of bad experiences...most of my friends keep saying i should 'get over it' and move and try to scrape the little motivation left in me to gain some life back in me..but its not so easy as it seems...thats the thing wat if u were in my shoes...its the hardest thing for me to get over the point that not many will get to understand...but i keep in my heart that they want the best for me..and dont want to see me down and out..cause to the ppl that dont noe to some degree...im more an inspiration to them than i thought i am...

To finish, advice to all ppl out there reading this entry, be a friend, for someone...even if they dont understand u...even if all u can do is jus say... 'It'll be ok'

U realli honestly dont know how a little bit of support may mean to someone, it could me the whole world 2 someone and u many not noe urself when it matters..the feeling u get when u do help someone...will stay wit for a long tym even if u may forget...

'Beware the wounded soldier...'

Call me paranoid or wateva..im jus writing wat i think...weird dont isnt it..were human...but we are so much more than that..


Peace Outs

NBA dunks

sick dunks..

Well first time i actually blogged here..well it been awhile since i last blogged, i got another one on my msnspace well not many ppl read....but the ones who hav..and hav taken somethin away from im glad it did change ppl lives...well its kinda weird dont it? We say we can change ppl lives, isnt only in fantasy world or the realm of movies can we normal ppl change lives for the better.

Well i dunno but i still believe, but at the same time its a part of me that eats at me. Sometimes i ask myself y do gud for the sake of others..i thing seems to spring up in my mind and its this:

wat i went through so far in my life....i dont want others to go through...i feel like i hav a duty for some odd reason to help others...

ppl my age ur probably thinkin...should drinkin acting WILD and FREE and embracin life..well i pplz i had to GROW UP early and yea..i do regret it, trust me its normal for me to do that but at the same time..it does hav its perks..like for most ppl im the kinda person who ppl can talk to about anythin a person who is neutral..someone who can keep a secret..(lolz..noe to much bout that ive hav my own deep secret)..like i keep sayin to myself, but with little conviction, "i aint the usual guy..."

but...realli is being gud dying? tell me that, isnt the act of being gud, is being forced upon us rather than coming deep down. Y is it so harder to show feelings...instead blinding the ourselves with fads and fantasy...and this so called reality crap...y is it that bein a gud person seems so uncool, yea ppl say that there gud..but when does someone REALLI MEAN it..i for one am doin it right now.

and yes we arent all prefect, but is just me or has the world lookin at life where, success overrides everythin in the world...i guess the song "I wish i was a punk rocker" by Sandi Thom, summed my point of view of life...

many parents well ppl born in the 50's and 60's sorta wished it was..but yea i can c where everyone else side about. Like ppl believe they noe doin rite brings gud tidings to others...but y is it we hide it...do we think we noe everythin?..

maybe its jus my paranoia steppin in...but i jus cant help it..y act immature to be happi...y is sex seeming the best way to insult..maybe its the relationships that we have wit ppl....maybe thats where it lies...ppl share lives, share experiences, go through life wit someone...for me it was family..for others there r many reasons y we are who we are..

i guess the best way to look at life as it is:

'wat we go through in life from religion, family, friends, work, skool..and beyond..it makes us who we are..perfectly human'

thats it from me for my first blog..comments i dont mind..i dont mind listenin to wats on ur mind..

peace outz

magsman