Poster Boy

Have u eva been put through so much yet finish s far...?

Rite at the moment im in such a mess emotionally that ive blocked everyone out, and the thing i havent been able to talk to anyone for that matter. Everytime I think about it the more and more i feel that its me that is doin the wrong rather than the people around.

Am I a serious depressed person crying in this stupid blog of mine or is it a combinations of things, that which my life at this moment would turn for the worst, am i turning into cousins in my family who have followedon a path filled with depression and not being able to express it...Or is it a test for me whether my faith was as strong as i thought it was in my past...i keep refering to it so often, am i holding myself baq to find an excuse to explain my faults to a past which has already resovled.

When i talk about mysel, quite often i charade myself like a clown or an famous sportstar or anybody who is in the limelight, is the pressure of it all from my whole life gone to my head, am i losing it???

For so long my whole family has looked up to me, my parents, my brother, my aunts, uncles cousins, nieces and nephew...has that cause me to break up emotionally as it has...Rite now i feel this is my only way to express myself openly without the need covering up maybe it is time for me...no too much time wasted in a life that has always had potential...and thats all there has been.

Now looking back, everyday i realli only just hoped that things will just happen 4 me, and the stupid thing is was that i overlook my own advice that i give to people and me not being to realize that i too was a victim of my life and not being able to take my life by the hands.

4 most of my life i thought i was strong enough to deal with life...but i guess i was wrong i guess i took things or approached things in a view which did more harm then gud. Wat happened these past 4 yrs where did they go?? what hav i achieved??? i sumtimes ask myself, do i need to sleep on it like a normal person should, is therapy an option.

So questions, so many doubts, so many things rushing through my head at a million miles an hour to which i will end up nowhere. i guess being an australian filipino livin in the sydney suburbs with a family going through so much, with so much potential can get it all mucked up as it is rite now, who would of thought?...i guess my life is neva be easy even if i pour my heart across the internet or too anyone else...all i can do now is to hope 2omoro is a better day....

i guess the song i hav rite playin on my blog says a bit...if anyone wants to give messages plz do..