Do you remember playing a video game and you finally reach the final stage of it. You work days and days...until finally you finish it...then its over.
You got that in your head now?....Got it.
Now picture it side by side with your life. What is your ENDGAME? Where do you want to be? What will you be? Why is it so important to get there?
Every person has it, GUARANTEED!!! We all strive towards it, live and die by it in some cases. The very thought of that destination very much haunts us and wages it's own battle in our minds trying to make sense of it, trying to find the path not too traveled on, then the one we see.
It creates for us this slow shattering of self-expectation, that:
"I must do this or else....or I will not fail...what will others think of me...what...what will i do"
The to-ING and fro-ING of this expectation whether generated in self or from externally it exists too. Intertwining with that picture of the endgame, complete messing your moods whether its a small win, or a road bump, it makes you succumb to it.
In others, that endgame doesn't even exist, hence the term 'lost souls'...get spoken around the water cooler. Some even may have got there and realized that it isn't all what it was cracked up to be.
The reason why I writing this is because I know too many people who are tortured and praised by this endgame, that I just wanted to share my view of it.
In my own way, this endgame or endgames....is what drives life in the directions it takes good or bad it just is.
It’s the thing that drives, compels, and defines as people.
Many people think it’s the darkness that shrouds us and we have to fight it. I don’t believe that it’s true, I believe fear brings us far closer to our true selves than ever before. This realization could to take for some a lifetime to figure out. But as I am writing this I am realizing a truth that I wish would never come out. Tonight, that fear shock me to the core, to the core depths of my own happiness and depressions all in the same instance, the ‘A-HA moment’ or should I say moments. I remember writing back several years ago that it is our human condition to feel for more, today I can tell you that this condition can bring out the worse in people. I believe that my fear has turned my human condition to a ‘snowball’ effect of lies and deceit on myself, families, friends and the world. I have become a person who I don’t love in the mirror…it’s this odd empty feeling of guilt, regret and depression. This island wall fortress that we or should I say I have built has got me to this point. My fear has become everything and being, this fear can make mighty men fall to their knees, make the strong wilt, make the wise question. The scary part is that I knew it would come, try as I must to fight it, it grew so much stronger each day. Can I blame anyone for this blame? You could say you could, but how can you? The world is built in such a way that fear drives the world. Many nights I sit, before I sleep thinking is it my family that brought me to blame, is it the system that cause to feel this way…so many questions lead to tonight. Even as I type I hide in my own little room typing away hoping that anyone out there sees this, hoping that a soul knows what I am feeling, hoping that someone really knows. But really I can’t, the only person I can blame is me and only me. And that my friends is the haunting yet beautiful curse us as humans have made. To make a last note, don’t make the same mistakes I have made in life, which we all do. I just hope to be able to at least get one reader out there to listen to what I have to say. I hope that fear hasn’t got to them, hope that they were able to talk to someone about their fears, that ‘elephant in the room’. Fear drives me as it does save me.
History tells us alot of things doesn't...like a broken record...
When you look back at the past u wonder to urself..how great was I or how dumb was I?....thats sound familiar doesnt it...We try so hard as people, to not be what was and become what is? And its this endless feeling of self discovery drives most people in today's world.
The reason for the title is, that people are so into themselves..that it almost seems as if the world doesn't care as much as it used to...my life motto which came about gradually and after the shake and bake of high skool was that:
"i live my life the way i want but in kind bring the world around me into it in my own way"
Most guys would, "how soft am I?", but when it boils down to it wouldnt sharing the greatest moments in life be shared...instead of alone...could imagine a 100m runner like Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps swimming and running on their own...without anyone there....would it feel the same it feel like a dream...
To be able to try and see the world through different eyes...is sumthin that just cant be done with a click or a cheap magic, get quick rich scheme to find this feeling...in world where people find in hard to get by...look around...hear around and feel the world that is ours....because the world does things that history echoes...yea people can cruel people....but its the same people that allow for the moments in our lives to be so special without us even knowing..
The world doesnt wait...it only rolls on...so dont be scared to have an eye for an eye.
Sad to say in reality it true....money has become such a 'presence' that I don't think most people would be able to comprehend its effect.
People say different things like:
"Money doesn't buy you happiness.."
"Money brings power..."
"Money is the root of all evil..."
And in my own opinion I like the last quote because....not as such in history more so with modern times...we have been money CRAZY!!!
I know its a whole societial thing...by why do we see as such a necessity equal with things that do matter like:
Health
Well-Being
Religion
Things like that money can't buy but like the feeling of that..."Money, Money, Money....Yeah Yeah Yeah..." Even though the quote is based on American history, its such a disease now days..that with this whole 'global economical recession', people are losing their homes, people losing their jobs and that links to money.
Society has built into us that we 'need' enough money to live by, and that level for people to be able to say that...constantly...Yes that word....because every time we reach that point in life....theirs this burning desire that we need more than what we should have. Without playing and old harp about money is not being important....but its sad to see how we have become dependent of... what it was before just 'colourful paper' to exchange for goods...lolz...certainly comes along way.
Long gone are the days where Generations....where life leads to where ever....to now a such a forceful society that tells someone entering the big wide world....u gotta make enough to have a life....
People now are more into people lives of the famous and rich...we see in things in the news like finding out that a celebrity is going to somebody's house....when I think too myself...why on Earth would I need to know that!!
By the way not all people are like that with all that doom and gloom...but the challenge we face both young and old, is to be able to balance...something which seems easy said....isnt so.
My view on the whole thing, their will be people out there that will make u feel that money is the way the world works...its really up to the individual to decide that fate.
All in all money makes the world go round but so do our heads...
That quote was said by a man by the name of Pablo Piccaso...great man no doubt...but things have changed so much haven't they.
It's been a while since i wrote a decent blog the last three have been pretty woeful. Pretty much self explainitory(if thats how its spelt!!!). The last one sorta set the mood this September, wells its my topic for tonight and that is depression.
Scary thought if you didn't know 1 of every 4 people in Australia have depression...and the thing is you either know someone who has it or even don't know you have it.
Depression is supposedly quite normal as a down stage, or downtime if you could say, most people try to find a way to go around it or talk about. But when you talk to someone that is depressed the thing is that you have no idea what the person is feeling unless you have ever felt it. Cause in the end depression is like disease, and that in the end a person may not remember the moment...you only remember how it felt.
And i guess people need to understand thats how life and we as humans think....we FEEL. Back to the point i was making at the start...youth has no age...sorry picasso but seems to be different today..more and more i see people to grow up so early and so quickly and too the point where they can lose sight of where they are. Including myself, maybe I am too depressed and from what reason im still trying to put my finger on it but i just can't. I guess growing up is 50/50 most of the time well how am i to know.
All i can say is this, if you got a problem just talk to someone, anyone...because keeping it in will just eat away at you and you might end up depressed and end up on prescribed drugs. Not poking fun at people who are on it...but really just be careful about things, like what you say about someone, think before you act.
People say we learn alot from history the funny thing is do we learn from it? I leave that up to you to answer.
Note: Hope this ends my bad streak of bad blogging
Have u eva been put through so much yet finish s far...?
Rite at the moment im in such a mess emotionally that ive blocked everyone out, and the thing i havent been able to talk to anyone for that matter. Everytime I think about it the more and more i feel that its me that is doin the wrong rather than the people around.
Am I a serious depressed person crying in this stupid blog of mine or is it a combinations of things, that which my life at this moment would turn for the worst, am i turning into cousins in my family who have followedon a path filled with depression and not being able to express it...Or is it a test for me whether my faith was as strong as i thought it was in my past...i keep refering to it so often, am i holding myself baq to find an excuse to explain my faults to a past which has already resovled.
When i talk about mysel, quite often i charade myself like a clown or an famous sportstar or anybody who is in the limelight, is the pressure of it all from my whole life gone to my head, am i losing it???
For so long my whole family has looked up to me, my parents, my brother, my aunts, uncles cousins, nieces and nephew...has that cause me to break up emotionally as it has...Rite now i feel this is my only way to express myself openly without the need covering up maybe it is time for me...no too much time wasted in a life that has always had potential...and thats all there has been.
Now looking back, everyday i realli only just hoped that things will just happen 4 me, and the stupid thing is was that i overlook my own advice that i give to people and me not being to realize that i too was a victim of my life and not being able to take my life by the hands.
4 most of my life i thought i was strong enough to deal with life...but i guess i was wrong i guess i took things or approached things in a view which did more harm then gud. Wat happened these past 4 yrs where did they go?? what hav i achieved??? i sumtimes ask myself, do i need to sleep on it like a normal person should, is therapy an option.
So questions, so many doubts, so many things rushing through my head at a million miles an hour to which i will end up nowhere. i guess being an australian filipino livin in the sydney suburbs with a family going through so much, with so much potential can get it all mucked up as it is rite now, who would of thought?...i guess my life is neva be easy even if i pour my heart across the internet or too anyone else...all i can do now is to hope 2omoro is a better day....
i guess the song i hav rite playin on my blog says a bit...if anyone wants to give messages plz do..
Reached a point in your life, where you are pushed to the limit, made yourself so open, that even the largest bomb wouldn't compare.
It's moments like these you live life for, moments where people grow as a person, you see things you may have never imagined to feel, be or become.
The thing I find very disturbing is that some people who have never felt this blissful moment…will never understand, take for instance the Virginia Tech Killer, this year, he never got to express who he truly was, in a 'black and white' world you could say, he's cold blooded, the law took things in its own way, with what he had done.
I guess you could say he never was able to feel that moment, and feel sorry for him (rest his soul), for sure he did MAJOR! Wrong. But did you ever imagine. Could we have stopped it? What if..? There isn't any thing we can do to have stop but to only learn from our mistakes, of course we are still part of that HUMAN CONDITION.
Especially for all you high school kids, and uni guys or any young people out there, the world is larger, as well as closer than you think. Don't make the world you believe your in is the one you are going to be in. If you're being bullied in school, TELL SOMEONE!!! If you didn't get that major job, if you're not going well in Uni, don't let the world get to you.
In today's world you hear in the news of people dying, people killing each other, over things they have no control, or for something so petty less..It's unbelievable. You see things such as mass killings by school kids in America, people being abused at home, militia in Africa, poverty, famine, illiteracy, and a war that doesn't make any sense at all.
And in the end, all of us will die…saying quite bluntly, but its true isn't it? Am I wrong?
My point really before losing myself, and right now as a I write this entry, I want people to see the world just as that famous song by Louis Armstrong believed the world should be, which I reckon in today's society needs to be played everywhere.
I know I am neither preacher nor anybody important for that matter, but I know we were all put on this Earth to do something, that something is the definition why we live now, and wake up every morning. Hence why I posed that question at the start of this entry, it's the point of no return, that moment where countless memories really give you a sense of what the world should be like:
Your first kiss
Graduating High School or University
Getting Married
Skydiving for the 1st time
Fulfilling that dream, turning into reality
Just finding that friend in the dark
Dancing in a nightclub for the 1st time
Having a baby
Nailing that 1st ever double back flip on a motocross
Spending 20 years in prison to find equality, in a country that never had any
Surviving Cancer and winning the Tour de France…not only once but 7 times
Its moments like these we live for, what we strive for, I believe every single person in the world has these moments whatever they may be. The reason why I wrote this entry for people to understand, see what I see through my eyes and my mind and through my words, that's this world is still beautiful in whoever eyes.
I hope when you finish reading this it will open your mind to a world of opportunity, rather than world of missed opportunity.
It's now up to you…
P.S: Song of the moment: "Shadow of the Day"-Linkin Park(Audio) And oh if you're bored reading here's some comedy to pick you up…by the Infamous "Balls of Steel"
